Expressing the light within: How Matt Hodgson has reinvented himself

After three seasons away from the NBL, Matt Hodgson has been on a journey of self-discovery to reignite his passion for the game, and attempt to be better than he ever was before.

It’s hard to really know what’s going on with someone from the outside. Things can seem good, but the reality can often be quite different.

Matt Hodgson last played professionally in Taiwan two years ago, and he last played in the NBL three years ago, his eighth season in the league. He seemingly had a lot going for him, having started 126 of his 196 career NBL games (including playoffs), representing the Australian Boomers on several occasions in FIBA qualifying windows and taking gold at the 2017 FIBA Asia Cup, and he was a rarity in the league as a near seven-footer with immense athleticism.

But all was not right in his world at the conclusion of NBL22, his first and only season with the Perth Wildcats. He’d missed a chunk of the season through both injury and suspension, his minutes were down from his previous three seasons in Brisbane, and he was part of the first Wildcats team to miss the postseason in 35 NBL seasons.

“It was just a big shock,” he told The Pick and Roll this week.

“The whole season went in a completely different way than I’d envisioned. I got hurt, then I got suspended for the first time. I think those things contributed to me not really being around the team a lot. So, I didn’t have rhythm with the group and they didn’t have rhythm with me.”

Perth came into the final nine games of the regular season in second place, with all nine games at home at RAC Arena. They went 3-6 in those games to fall to fifth and miss the postseason. It was a stunning turn of events.

Despite playing reasonably well down the stretch of that season, Hodgson had not had the season he’d hoped for. His minutes and his numbers across the board were down and he was in his own head about it in a big way.

“I was just more shellshocked than anything,” he admitted.

“I didn’t want to believe it, but I was really coming to the realisation that my stock had dropped considerably. And I guess I wasn’t seen as valuable within the league. That was really hard for me to deal with.

“So, I guess I really ran away when I went to Taiwan. It’s not something I really wanted to do, but it was very painful [that time]. It was years and years of frustration building. I really enjoyed a lot of my time playing, but I could never shake the feeling that it wasn’t fulfilling and I wasn’t truly myself.

“I’d carved out a little identity – you know ‘Hodgey’ – while I was playing, but I never really felt like that was me. Parts of it, yes. But I never felt like it was the full encapsulation.”

So, as frustration built for him personally, plus the poor team results that season, it was hard to face.

Hodgson was initially not even going to play in NBL22. He’d had ambitions to go to Europe for the 21-22 season and had some interest. It was a chance to have a change of scenery and hopefully find some more fulfilment from his basketball. But his wife Cashaana, was heavily pregnant at the time, so he ultimately decided to stay in Australia and signed with Perth quite late.

A year on, as he and his agent considered offers from NBL teams, none seemed that appealing. They were mostly for a reduced role and that added to his inner angst about his personal worth. He admits he didn’t face that very well and instead effectively ‘ran away’ to Taiwan’s T1 League, even though that wasn’t really what he wanted either.

“I’d always felt like playing in Asia, to a certain degree, was like a dead end, like a mercenary sort of thing. It didn’t have the same allure of true spirit and enjoyment or competitiveness of the game,” he explained.

“Now, whether that’s objectively true or not is another thing, that’s just the way I looked at it. So, when the opportunity [in Taiwan] came up, I really wasn’t that excited.”

With few options after declining some NBL offers, Hodgson was almost backed into a corner to take the Taiwan offer and signed with the TaiwanBeer HeroBears. He was still utilising basketball to find himself, and hoped that may happen in Taiwan.

“I convinced myself that maybe this was something to go to and it would be a step, but it definitely didn’t turn out that way,” said Hodgson.

His mental frame of mind was not good when he went to Taiwan, and only no one on the outside really knew this. Not even his agent, Daniel Moldovan, was aware. Being in Taiwan did not help. He wasn’t eating properly; he didn’t go out to explore and was having a difficult time getting any enjoyment out of his basketball as he was preparing for the season.

“It was tough,” he acknowledged.

“I was in a state of disillusion basically from the time the final buzzer sounded in Perth and being in Taiwan intensified that.

“As the years were going on in my career, it felt like others were giving up on me in a bunch of ways. Like, I’d always had a bunch of capability and never been able to express it. And I was subtly giving up on myself, so maybe I interpreted that as everyone else was as well. And the term ‘everyone else’ is the stupidest thing ever because no one actually cares.

“So, being in Taiwan was tough. There were some talented imports there, including Dwight Howard, but the feel and the spirit of the game to me, wasn’t what I enjoyed about basketball.

“This was something I thought could maybe be the thing that helps me to feel some sort of piece of fulfilment in my basketball career and help me find myself a little more, and it was the complete opposite of that.”

Hodgson was in a funk, and had considered telling management he wanted to leave. He managed to play just two games before sustaining a calf injury. So, he was actually thankful and relieved when he was ultimately released.

After returning to Australia and his home town of Ipswich, just outside of Brisbane, it wasn’t immediately clear to Hodgson what would come next. He was admittedly “one foot in, one foot out” when it came to his professional career.

An injury replacement position with the Brisbane Bullets during NBL23 was on offer. Hodgson saw that as an opportunity to get his stock up again and get back into a league that he enjoyed playing in, but he had to pass on that because he was still injured himself. He would have to find another way.

The NBL1 route was the next best option for him, but that was not an easy choice either. Despite it being with his hometown Ipswich Force, he didn’t want it to seem like no one else wanted him as he was trying to get back into the NBL.

“I didn’t want to admit that,” Hodgson said.

Battling those ongoing mental hurdles, as well as now a plantar fascia injury, meant that he wasn’t playing that well in NBL1, which he was frustrated and embarrassed about. Going from playing for the Boomers in the Asia Cup to coming off the bench in NBL1 in only a few years was humbling for Hodgson, and he was struggling to understand how it had come to that.

But it was a trip to Hawaii with his wife Cashaana to see her family that provided him a mental breakthrough of sorts. It was a few weeks out from NBL preseason commencing and Hodgson was still without a contract for NBL24. He began to accept that the career he’d been chasing may not be there anymore.

“It’s funny, because as soon as I accepted that, I noticed the next day that my foot wasn’t hurting anymore and then when I came back, I could train properly. It was a wild experience,” he explained.

Along his journey the previous 12 to 24 months, Hodgson had tried many options to deal with his mental state, including a spiritual healer who helped him to try to find himself more through the lens of the soul than the lens of the mind.

“So, when I accepted that in Hawaii and my foot healed, I said to myself, ‘This must have been what I’m supposed to go through. I’m aiming to come to find myself and it seems like the only way to do that is stepping away from basketball,’” he said.

“If the whole thing was about finding myself, then the identity I’d created for myself in basketball and kept so close to myself, was something that I needed to get away from first.”

And that’s what he did. Hodgson turned his focus to two main things away from basketball. Firstly, his young daughter Wynter, who was born when he was with the Perth Wildcats. He now had all the time in the world to spend with her and has certainly made the most of that.

“I was always thankful for the time I was able to spend with her,” he said.

“Being away from basketball, I’ve been able to spend a ton of time with her, so that was really cool.”

The other focus was on a career outside of basketball. Hodgson studied psychology as an undergraduate and had always planned to do his master’s degree at some point. He changed his mind during this period as he saw it being a limited field in terms of career options. He felt like he’d be jumping from one box – basketball – to another in psychology.

That left him at a bit of a crossroads and unsure of what to pursue as a vocation. A chance encounter with a family friend led Hodgson to an opportunity in commercial broking. He would learn from someone experienced in that field, develop some new skills and see where it took him.

“Deep down I knew this wasn’t my thing, but it came at an opportune time, so I think there’s something I’m supposed to learn from that,” he admitted.

“That was challenging cos I wasn’t enjoying it. But I was sort of enjoying building up a new skillset that was hard to do. Putting yourself out there, having to cold-call, I enjoyed the challenge of forcing yourself to do it.

“I enjoyed feeling like I’m able to do things in this world outside of putting a ball in a basket and I consider myself very intelligent, so I knew I’d be okay post basketball. But it was just a harsh reality of the real world, so that was confronting.”

He knew commercial broking wasn’t his thing, but he didn’t know what his thing would be which left him further disillusioned at that time.

He’d let his love of basketball be corrupted and with his identity tied to it, that became a source of pain. He then realised psychology was not going to be his thing, so that became a source of pain. And then doing something he was not enjoying and didn’t want to see out, that also became a source of pain.

“While all this stuff was painful, it’s been necessary. It’s actually been the best thing that could have happened to me, in an interesting way,” he said.

Hodgson has been through a lot, but this period away from basketball has allowed him to really get to know who he is. It’s been a big mental breakthrough for him and, as a result, his outlook on life has changed. His outlook on basketball has changed.

And he’s come to realise that who he is, is not defined by basketball.

“The biggest breakthrough was that I do finally believe that I’ve come to accept and know myself more,” Hodgson explained.

“That sounds very abstract, but I never felt like I knew who I was, even from the age of like 14. And when I went to basketball, it became almost a tool for validation. I love the game, but I always looked at it for what it could do for me.

“I always lacked confidence growing up and when I got into basketball, I showed some natural aptitude for it, and I started getting some validation. If all these people tell me that I’m good, then maybe I can feel good about myself. Basketball was something that I probably unfairly leaned on to bring myself some validation.

“But, because I got stripped of everything, it was beautiful in a way because everything that I’d leant on – that encapsulated and became my identity – was taken away. So, it started peeling back.

“It took away a bunch of money that I was making, well that’s not my identity because I’m still alive. I was still experiencing joy without earning that level of money that I was earning. I was giving up a bunch of status, but no-one cared and that was good. Like, okay that’s gone. And there’s a bunch more.

“So finally, without these distractions and these pieces that I thought were my identity, I actually got to see who I really was and what was really true to me deep down. And generate confidence and being valid in myself without needing anything external.”

Part of this process of self-discovery included Hodgson looking at himself as a basketball player. How he played. How he helped his teammates. How he can get fulfillment for himself and others. And that’s now lit a fire in his belly to get back on the court.

“I came to realise that I hadn’t expressed the value that I could truly bring to a basketball court. I think a lot of it was selfish; I’d always looked at it for myself as ‘what can I get out of it?’,” he admitted.

“And yes, obviously I get pleasure out of playing the game, but how can I truly give to others in this regard? Cos I know who I am, which is great, and I think being myself is dominant, and that’s awesome, but how can I help others to feel that level of fulfillment in the same way? So, that’s what got me really excited about playing.”

Hodgson will be suiting up for the Southern Districts Spartans in the NBL1 North conference this season and will attempt to resurrect his basketball career.

That choice – to play for the Spartans under head coach Peter Crawford – didn’t happen by chance mind you. Hodgson had been in touch with Crawford over the years. They had somewhat of a relationship dating back to Hodgson being at the Australian Institute of Sport (AIS) and seeing Crawford train at a Boomers camp. And Crawford reached out to Hodgson every so often to see if he’d like to play a few games for the Spartans the last couple of years, or to play in some summer league games.

Only now it was Hodgson who reached out to Crawford to say he wanted to come for a run, but only if he could play for Crawford.

Hodgson hadn’t played a game of organised basketball in around 14 months when he went in to effectively ‘try-out’ for Crawford. He dominated, but more importantly he really enjoyed it, and it felt right.

The two discussed Hodgson joining Crawford’s Spartans for the 2025 NBL1 season and it went from there.

“Through this journey I think that being put in front of people at the right time has showed me where we can have a good impact on each other. For me, PC is one of those people where we’ve been placed together at the right time and we’re both adding value to each other’s lives, on and off the court.”

Hodgson is also excited because he’ll have a completely different mental approach to the game when he steps back on the court this year. He intends to play with a lot more freedom than he ever did previously, and that is a massive shift from the Hodgy we saw in the NBL previously.

It’s less about trying to control everything out there and more about being attached to the game.

“When I was playing, why I was getting more and more frustrated, was that I became the victim of my prefrontal cortex,” he explained.

“Basically, I was trying to predict everything. I became obsessed with the mental side; trying to control as much as I could. As a result, my game became extraordinarily rigid. Everything was almost predetermined. I’d made it into an algorithm instead of the beautiful artistry that the game is.

“So, going through this process and learning to have faith in myself, I know the emotional and mental state for me to be at my best and to help my team the most. To me, more free-flowing means to be truly attached to the game, to see the many, many opportunities that present themselves within the game and then take them instantly.

“I think that’s what good players do. They have faith that they’ve got the skill level, the ability to make whatever read happen when it needs to happen. So, they’re truly attached to the game, they’re truly playing, connected, watching for any opportunity that comes up and they take it.

“I lacked that when I was playing, I became robotic. Where now, it’s a lot more trusting of myself, of the game itself, and excited about every opportunity that comes up on every possession.”

Photo credit: FIBA

Hodgson knows there is no guarantee that he’ll get back to the levels he was playing at before, but that’s his goal. He’s been out of the NBL for three seasons now and sometimes that can make GMs and coaches hesitant.

But he’s also confident that his newfound approach to the game will lead to personal and team success that will be appealing for NBL teams.

“I definitely want to get back to the top level pros,” said Hodgson.

“My mind and my belief is that I can be better than I’ve ever been, purely from the fact that I play freely and allow myself to have an impact on the game that someone of my size, athleticism and skillset can have.

“The first part for getting back and adding value is to show my real self. And this is why it’s great to be part of a team right now, because it’s all about expressing who I really am. So, my aim is for that resonate with a coach.

“And the second part is to show that I’m healthy and still running and dunking on everyone, but the other part is adding extra value that I don’t think I ever added before.

“I’ve always thought that if I just shut up, play hard and play to my ability, then that’s good enough. But I think – especially going through this process – I think I have more capability to help impact my teammates in a big way.

“My philosophy is about expressing the light within and so I would love to be able to help my teammates be able to find and express their light within, cos if you’re all doing that at the same time, it’s an amazing thing and some great results should come out of that.”

Asked how Matt Hodgson 2.0 will be different to the player we last saw with Perth three years ago, he simply said: “I’m Matthew Hodgson, not Matt Hodgson.”

A new beginning for a new man.